but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
