so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
