my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
