if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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