I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
So many bounce houses so little time
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
