Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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