I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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