Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
