After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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