Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
