I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Drake has all the answers
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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