did you get engaged???
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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