listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
People in love make me want to vomit
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
