Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
