You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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