Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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