My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
