Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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