Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Randomize