so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
