I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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