Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
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