never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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