remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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