I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
