I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
