You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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