Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
