I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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