good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Too much gin, very little bucket
he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
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so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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