I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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