I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
