Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
