so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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