he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
