i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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