I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
