Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
