Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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