I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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