You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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