Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
