Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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