i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
