I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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