I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
