dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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