I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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