Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
