I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
