You're my little dorito
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
