My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
