Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
