I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
