Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize