you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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