Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
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I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
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Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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