I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
