I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If its not for food we ain't going out.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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