If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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