While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize