Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
