I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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