the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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